Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
