Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
