if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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