from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
