just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
