omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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