I think i sorta joined a cult last night
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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