It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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