Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
