the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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