so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
