No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
