Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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