fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
