Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
