I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
