i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
