No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
