I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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