don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
