dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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