I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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