i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
