We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
