Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
