I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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