Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You can't special order awesome
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We have so much sex to catch up on
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
