My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
