Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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