I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
smell my finger.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
