A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
