My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
