no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
