I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
