His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
