We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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