Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
