oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
