JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
