You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
