I can text with my tongue
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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