Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
