dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
