I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
