we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
