I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
