8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
