dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
