is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
