Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
